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Of being a first born daughter

Being a firstborn daughter especially in an African household is something that we genuinely deserve a salary for because unaaaaa struggleeeeeeeee! I honestly had no idea what to talk about in this week's issue but now I sort of do(thank the universe). I am with erry single fiber in me exhausted to the core of being responsible for children and people I had no say choosing to look after. I have been at this since I was about seven so I do have a few years of experience but that does not make it any less exhausting.

A couple of months ago one of my siblings started calling me their spare mum and even though it is true to a greater extent it rubbed me the wrong way. I hadn't even done anything that deep that day except give them tylenol for their toothaches.

I just don't think it's fair that my childhood was taken from me because I had to step up as I was (un)fortunate enough to be a first child. Whover is in charge of assigning these things, I hope rain locates them. (one more thing to address in therapy lol)

I do acknowledge that it could have been much worse but that doesn't take away from how tasking it was and is. Also comparison is a thief of sorrow too so I won't compare my experiences with other firstborn daughters. All experiences are equally valid okayyyyyyy?

In one of the past issues I had talked about a few resources one of my kind mutuals shared with me that I would in turn share here after trying them a few times. Last week I watched cooking vlogs to sort of distract my brain and it actually works. They are very oddly relaxing. One more thing I tried again was meditation. I understand that if you happen to be a sort of beginner like I am then guided meditations have you covered and there are a range of apps you can choose from as a tool for this. An added advantage is they will help you be consistent!!!

I know mercury is no longer in her micro braids but it still feels like she is. If you're an astrology hun please feel free to give me a reasonable explanation for all the funky emotions besides PMS of courseeee. PMS has got handssssssss. My face has waged a war on me and is back to breaking out sadly but i'm being held by the hope that it will start behaving and cooperating soon enough.

 Yesterday when i typed out this draft the first born part was fueled by something like despise but i no longer despise it as much today. It is such a rollercoaster.

Also it just doesn't make sense how triggers work like yes it's a sign that something wrong happened and your body and mind are responding to sort of protect you bc it might happen be it to you or someone else. It's really tiring especially when you're not sure what to avoid because just one scent or word or even name will take you back to such a horrible place so now you're having tremors and crying and you can't even exactly trace what got you to that point. I'm fed upppppp.

Anywayyyy I hope you have a fabulous week! <3